Harry Potter and the 'What? I'm getting Married'
by corendel
Summary: Harry tried to ask Cho out to the Ball. Someone wasn't so happy about that ...
1. The Beginning

Harry Potter and the "What? I'm getting married?"

Disclaimer: I own nothing! 

Harry sighed, rolling his head onto the desk with an audible thump. History of Magic to the rescue, again.

The Tournament was stress enough, but with the resentment of the majority of the school and the abandonment of his best friend Harry wasn't having the greatest time in the world. Not to mention the nightmares. They began at the end of his first year, following his encounter with Voldemort. And for a time they were fine, one or two a month, not too annoying, but ever since last summer he'd been having them almost every night.

Unable to sleep at night, and spending his days looking up spells for the Tournament, Harry was exhausted. At least the spells were coming easier this year. Of course, having nightmares about Voldemort's past (and he knew they were real, wasn't quite sure how, but he knew they were real) in conjunction with his increased spell learning was somewhat disturbing … especially how powerful his first attempt at a bone-breaking curse came out.

And McGonagall had just sprung this insane ball on him last night too. Said he needed to find a date and be ready to dance. He didn't even know how to dance!

But it wasn't the time to worry about any of that right now. It was the last class of the day, and it was History of Magic. That meant almost two hours of uninterrupted sleep. It meant bliss ...

"Harry! Harry!" What was that annoying sound? Was someone trying to wake him up? He wasn't even dreaming! It wasn't right to wake him up.

"G'way," he mumbled, absently swatting his hand in the direction he thought the voice came from, before deciding to ignore everything else for at least the next couple hours.

But, it was not to be. A whooshing sound was heard and then water rushed down on him.

"Hermione," he ground out, "that was not nice. And I'm wet now. Annoyed and wet."

"Honestly, Harry, class was over. I've been waiting here for you almost fifteen minutes. Even Professor Binns left. Just hit yourself with a drying charm and come to dinner. You don't want to be late, do you?"

He glared at her before standing up and moving around her. "I'm not hungry Hermione, I'm just gonna go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

A short trip later he dropped onto his bed, hoping that tonight wouldn't bring more nightmares. And wondering how to approach Cho to ask her to the ball …

- o O o O o -

Potions class was done for. Ron still wasn't speaking to him, not that he really cared anymore, and Hermione ran off to her Arithmancy class, but he had luxury of ambling back to the Common Room for a nap in front of the fire. At least until his feet suddenly slipped out from under him and he tumbled to the floor.

Groaning, he turned around to see what he tripped on to see an unfamiliar face with an unsettling smile.

"Why'd you trip me, Greengrass."

"The real question, Potter, is why you asked Chang to the dance. A lady might find that offensive, after all. It was nice to see how spectacularly you failed at it though."

"Cho? Why's it matter to you, Greengrass. Besides ... she said she would have agreed if she didn't already have a date."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Potter. But what I want to know is why you didn't ask me! If you ask anyone on a date, it's me! Understand!"

Harry stared at her. Had she gone insane?

"Why?"

"Why? Wow, you really are an idiot."

- o O o O o -

"So, we're engaged?"

"Yeah, that's the short of it. Before we were born, actually. Your grandfather saved my fathers life. So, to repay the debt, my father was going to give me to your dad as a mistress, but your mother really didn't like that idea. So you got me instead."

"That's kinda extreme just to repay a debt, isn't it. I mean, I don't think Ginny is engaged to me or anything."

Daphne's eyes lit up. "You mean that rumor about you, the Weasley girl, and the basilisk is true? Oh, that's perfect."

"Huh?"

"It just sweetens the deal even more. Mistress to wife is moving up in the world. Wife to wife of the Boy-Who-Lived is even better, but you took down a basilisk! Do you know how impossible that is? Only Dumbledore could do that! For you to do it when you're twelve, well, I hit the jackpot.

"A magically powerful husband, extremely powerful, with the political connections you'll have when you graduate, well, there's not much more a witch can ask for."

"But …"

"Of course, if you saved her life too … I'm surprised they haven't approached you with a marriage offer yet. Maybe they knew about our contract? It doesn't matter. I suppose I could tolerate a mistress if I had to, but I could discourage it of course … "

"But …"

"No buts. We're engaged, live with it. We'll talk next week about how to coordinate our clothes for the ball, and make sure you can dance to my satisfaction. Right now, let's go find an abandoned classroom, I want to see how much power you put into your spells. And, if you're a good boy, well, maybe I'll let your hands wander a bit."

Harry stood there stupefied as she started to walk away. She was putting a sway into her hips and …

… "Come on, Potter, what are you waiting for?"

- o O o O o -

Harry stood nervously in front of the entrance to the Slytherin common room. It may have been a bit awkward to have Daphne forced on him as a fiance, but it was also a great relief. They got along reasonably well, she wasn't ugly, and it let him avoid the pain of having to actually court a girl.

Well, maybe not. She had made him escort her around Hogsmeade a couple weeks ago. But at least the courting process was simplified. He already had the girl, he just had to learn how to get along with her.

Malfoy stepped out behind a statue of Salazar with Pansy Parkinson on his arm, and he was followed by several pairs of older students. Tracey Davis was next, apparently deciding to go to the ball by herself, finally followed by Daphne.

"So, Potter," she drawled out, "Do I pass?"

"You look … beautiful." Daphne was dressed in a burgundy robe with gold linings. Gryffindor colors. "Are you trying to make a statement?"

She smiled and chose not to answer his question. "You don't look too bad yourself. The hair, well, I've given up on that. Ready to go?"

He smiled and gave her his arm. Maybe this dance wouldn't be half bad after all.

And it wasn't.

Harry was a little nervous during the opening dance, during all his dances to be perfectly honest, but Dapnhe had trained him well enough so that even though he may not be the most graceful dancer in the world he at least wasn't stepping on her toes. That was good enough for him.

Ron freaked out, of course, that he brought a Slytherin as his date. Their friendship had recovered somewhat after the first task, but it looked to be heading backwards again.

Hermione was also suspicious of his date. As far as she knew he and Daphne had never spent time together before. Then again, she didn't have much of a leg to stand on, she came with Victor Krum.

Daphne had led him outside after the dance was over, and was now using the opportunity to hold onto his arm and snuggle into his side.

"Harry," she said, finally calling him by his first name.

"Yeah, Daphne."

"You're far too nice for your own good, and I'm starting to like you a little bit, so I suppose I should be honest with you."

"About what?"

"My plans for you."

"A little explanation please."

"The rumors say you've been raised by muggles, so I you might not know that among purebloods, and even some fullbloods, marriage contracts are quite common. When a girl enters a contract she has two choices. She can marry her contract or marry someone else and be cast out of her family. Those who try and run usually don't make it far.

"I was very lucky to get contracted to you. You're my age, powerful, and will one day be politically connected. Slytherin is about ambition, Harry. It's a man's world out there, and while there technically isn't any discrimination against women there are expectations about us. And those that don't fulfill those expectations usually don't go very far. Marrying you would allow me to fulfill all my ambitions."

"To tell you the truth, Daphne. I don't really care. If you haven't noticed in the last month, I'm not very good with emotions. I was actually kinda relieved that day you tripped me, I didn't have to worry about the future as much then. Stay loyal to me, and I'll help you with whatever I can, assuming it's not too illegal of course."

"Too illegal?"

"Well, the Ministry is pretty restrictive, you know. Wouldn't surprise me if one day they start charging a breathing tax or something as ridiculous as that."

"Gryffindors boldy go, huh? Well, I'll promise my loyalty. Will you help me become Minister of Magic? There hasn't been a female Minister in over five hundred years, and the only female cabinet member in the government is Amelia Bones right now. I want to even the playing field a bit."

"Girl power? Sure."

"Good, Harry. Now, shut up and kiss me."

- o O o O o -

"Mr. Potter, you stand here before us today facing the charges of ending a noble lineage. How do you plead?"

"Well, first I'd like to point out the insanity of the Ministry for accusing me of murder when the man I killed was a known terrorist … and actually had a bounty on his head. By the way, I've not yet been paid for that.

"Also, I would say that when Voldemort killed my parents 18 years ago he started a blood feud with the Potter family, and that I'm well within my rights to kill him.

"And thirdly, I'd have to say it was self defense. He was the one who hunted me down and started attacking. It was his own fault that I was stronger and more competent than him."

"Nevertheless, Mr. Potter, a noble family is no longer in existence. The last Slytherin is gone, and it is because of your actions. There must be repercussions. As the Minister of Magic, I recommend that the court finds Mr. Potter guilty, and sentences him to a sentence of no less than life in Azkaban."

"Listen, Fudge. The only reason you're even having this farce of a trial is because you think I'm a threat to your reelection. And you would be right there. But really, give me some credit. I just killed Voldemort, the man considered to be the strongest dark wizard in over six millennia. And that's only because that's how far back Ministry records go. Do you really think Azkaban can hold me?"

"Members of the court! Listen to this madman! He has just admitted that should you find him guilty he would escape from his sentence! We must give him the Kiss, immediately!"

Fudge's tirade went on a bit longer, but thankfully no one was really paying attention to him. Wizengamot members had most likely already made up their minds before the trial ever began, and little could really be done to change a stubborn witch's or wizard's mind.

Finally, a court clerk received a verdict and brought it to Auror Captain Scrimgeour to read.

"This is the judgement of the court to Harold James Potter. Under the charge of ending a noble line, this wizard is found guilty. Due to the nature of said line ending, the court cannot in good conscience fine or imprison Mr. Potter. However, the law demands that Mr. Potter be held accountable for these actions. Therefore, it is the decision of this court that Mr. Potter be banished from Magical England for a length of three hundred years. Should he return before that time is up he is to serve the remaining portion of his sentence in Azkaban. Mr. Potter has seventy two hours to leave the nation."

Harry sighed, before snapping his wrists to break the chains holding him to his court chair. Fudge and some members of the Wizengamot were disturbed by the display of power, but Harry ignored them in favor of heading towards the exit.

"Sorry, Daphne."

"It's not your fault, Harry. I suppose we could always overthrow the government... "

"No. I'm more inclined to just ignore them really."

"Well, I suppose it's time to wake up then. My dreams are over."

"Actually, I have another idea. As hard as it is to believe, the Muggle governments are even more corrupt than the Ministry. Some spy work, a little veritaserum, add in some blackmail … do you want to take over the world Daphne?"

She smiled. "You always did know how to show a girl a good time, Potter."

And with two soft pops, they disappeared.

A/N: There might be a few more chapters, but they won't be strictly HP. I'm going to use this chapter as a baseline for any future Harry Potter crossovers. I already have a Stargate one in the works, and I really want to do a Chuck one, but I'm not sure how to make it believable.

A/N2: Ginny won't ever be a mistress. I was just trying to avoid a plot hole with that paragraph. For those who want to know, Bill accepts Ginny's debt, and a daughter of his gets married to one of Harry's sons.

A/N3: The 'in my head' model for Daphne is Michelle Trachtenberg (maybe moving towards Olivia Wilde).


	2. Terra Atlantis

Terra Atlantis

_Premise:_  
_I can't believe that SG-1, with the help of some natives, was capable of driving Ra off earth, as depicted at the end of season 8. I could see them blowing up a ship or two, especially since they have the Jumper, but that's it. Also, I don't like that the ancients were nerfed from 'epic' levels down to 'really smart humans.' Ancients should be as awesome and mysterious as they were prior to Atlantis, even on Atlantis..._

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir let held back a sob as she was drug forward by her captors. She had come to this country to broker a peace treaty between it's semi-legitimate government and it's resistance. Get the government to give some concessions, lead the country a little closer to democracy, and stop the bloodshed. She had thought it was a noble goal, but right now she didn't care about nobility.

Apparently some members of the resistance weren't interested in peace. They had abducted her to try and stall the meetings. Nabbed from her hotel room, it had been several hours since her kidnapping. Of course, that was a guess. Blindfolded, she hadn't been able to check her watch.

And now the van she was traveling had stopped and her captors had dragged her out. And they had just taken off her blindfold. Damn, she had seen their faces. The chances of her leaving alive had just been reduced to almost zero.

It was still night, and she had been taken to an alley of some sort. That meant they were probably still in the capital, so her captors had been driving her around for hours just to mess with her. Or maybe they were being followed, and a rescue was soon coming? No, unlikely.

Well, that leaves only one option left, time to bluff.

"Look gentlemen," she began, trying to sound confident and hoping they spoke English. "If you kill me the negotiations will fall through. You and your government will just continue to fight, your people will continue to be oppressed, and more blood will fill the streets as innocents get caught in the crossfire … "

"Shut up," a captor spoke, his voice with a heavy accent. "We are not interested in a false peace. You would have us give up everything for nothing to change? No, we will fight, and we may die, but we will die free. And you won't stand in our way."

He muttered something else in his native language and Elizabeth knew she was trouble. His companions were opening a dumpster on the side of the alley, and he slowly drew a pistol up to her face.

"Know that your death will free our country."

She closed her eyes, unwilling to see her future. After what seemed like an eternity she peeked one eye open. Why wasn't she dead yet? Three of her captors were on the ground in front of her, and the one pointing a gun at her was slung over another man's shoulder.

He was young, probably just about twenty or so, had dark hair, green eyes, and wore round glasses.

"Sorry about this miss. I was just passing through and thought you might need a little assistance."

And he was British if his accent was anything to go by.

He held out a pair of keys to her also.

"Your friend here had these on him. I figure after trying to kill you the least he can do is make sure you have a way to get back home."

As she reached out a hand to take the keys from him she suddenly noticed the bindings on her hands and feet were no longer there. She looked down and they weren't on the ground. She opened her mouth to ask him, but was interrupted as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Next time, try to stay away from spooky alleys in the middle of the night. Hmmm?"

"But …"

She was interrupted as he winked at her, and then suddenly there was a soft pop and he was no longer there. Neither were her previous captors. She looked behind her and the van was still there.

What the hell just happened?

oOoOOoOOOoOOoOo

Harry Potter smiled as a young waitress brought him his bag of pastries. After helping that unfortunate woman last night he was late bringing dinner home. Of course, when Daphne learned why he was late she was a tad upset, if the rant about the statute of secrecy was anything to go by.

So, he woke up early and apparated over to Paris. Daphne had weakness for chocolate croissants, a weakness he had no problem exploiting. And, maybe she'd forgive him and wear that blue bathing suit that … well, those thoughts could be saved for later.

Harry had originally come here with Daphne on vacation. Being banished from one's birth country leaves one feeling a bit put out, and Daphne was a more than a little disappointed she would no longer have the opportunity to one day be Minister of Magic, so it was decided they needed to get away. Anyways, Daphne wanted to try some sunbathing, and Harry would never pass up an opportunity to watch his hot wife in a bikini, so here they were.

Harry apparated back to the roof of his hotel, deciding he should visit the lobby convenience store before heading back to his room. Daphne had grown fond of coffee since their venture out into the muggle world and she might appreciate it if he got her a cup. Stepping up to the dispenser he was in for quite a surprise.

"You! You're real! Last night, and …"

Harry looked behind him to see the woman from last night stepping into the convenience store and rushing over to him. She was babbling now, and he had to hold up a hand to stop her.

"Sorry, miss, but you're talking to quickly for me to really understand what you're saying. But it's good to see you got home safe last night."

"How did you just … disappear like that! That's impossible!"

"I've always been a bit different that normal people, miss. I'd, um, appreciate it if you didn't let anybody know what I did. There's a law about not letting ordinary people see what we can do."

"There are more of you? Oh, I'm so sorry, that was rude, but, will you get in trouble?"

"No, not it you keep quiet about it."

"Of course, of course. I need to at least try and thank you though. Can I buy you some breakfast this morning."

"No thanks," Harry said, holding up his bag of pastries. "I was actually about to just bring breakfast up to my wife."

"Your wife? Is she … like you? Oh, sorry, that was rude again! Let me buy you dinner then! You and your wife."

"I'm not so sure. I mean, I really don't need anything …"

"No, I insist. Please let me buy you dinner. It can't be coincidence we're staying at the same hotel. I need to repay you, somehow."

Harry sighed. Protocol dictated that he should have memory charmed the woman last night. But he was never that good with memory charms, and wasn't that fond of them anyways. Him and mental magic didn't get along that well.

The woman looked at him with such a hopeful face he really couldn't turn her down.

"Alright, tonight then?"

"Yes! Is seven ok? Just give your room number and I'll drop by to pick you up. There's a good seafood restaurant just a couple blocks away. Do you not want to walk? I could get a taxi, or …"

"Walking is fine," he said, and then gave her his room number. "I'll see you tonight, miss."

"Oh, Elizabeth. Elizabeth Weir. I can't believe I forgot to tell you my name."

"Harry Potter, Elizabeth."

Now, how was he going to convince Daphne to go to dinner with out completely erasing this poor muggle's mind?

oOoOOoOOOoOOoOo

Five Years Later:

Elizabeth Weir took a deep breath as she buckled on her backpack. All around her people were getting ready for what could be a one-way trip. To Atlantis.

Equipment was stacked up throughout the SGC's corridors. Equipment, backup equipment, tools, foodstuffs, generators; the expedition didn't know when they would have contact with earth, so lots of supplies were being brought.

She had managed to convince John Sheppard to join her team, that was surely a victory. His ability to manipulate Ancient technology was as good as General O'neill's. And he was backup.

She glanced down at the embarkation room where two individuals were standing in a corner. They looked normal, but she knew they were anything but. Ever since she joined Stargate Command she had suspected her unique friends were more than they appeared. When she had been given clearance to build her expedition they were the first she called. She spoke in Ancient, and was asked how she had learned their language.

Ancients! The Ancients were still on earth! Sure, the called themselves wizards now, which was somewhat amusing actually, but they were alive. A whole civilization of them, hidden all throughout Europe and Asia.

And she couldn't tell anyone. Daphne, her name was, had somehow managed to silence her. She wasn't sure how, but Harry had said the alternative was a memory charm, and she didn't want that. She was thankful to him, true, but still so frustrated! She couldn't tell anyone! Every time she tried her throat just went dry and only rasping came out. It was infuriating.

She was infinitely glad they agreed to come on her expedition, but she knew they were wildcards. They weren't here to explore, they wanted to learn the history of their ancestors. She couldn't count on them to follow orders. She knew they wouldn't harm anyone, but they couldn't be counted on to be team players.

John Sheppard couldn't either, but he at least would hopefully listen to Colonel Sumner. And Sumner would listen to her.

oOoOOoOOOoOOoOo

"Rodney, what's the problem?"

"We don't have enough power! That's the problem! The city is powered by three Zed PMs. They are dangerously close to entropy. When we gated here we kept the wormhole open for the maximum amount of time. Our Zed PM ran out of power after about five minutes, for the rest of the time Atlantis was powering both sides of the connection. We ran the batteries down, it's just a matter of time till the shield falls, and …"

" … And we're under several hundred feet of water, I understand. John, have you found a control chair yet? Maybe that would help some how."

"Sorry, Elizabeth," the major spoke up. "The chair is actually in a room just across the balcony, but it tells me I'm too young."

"Too young?" Elizabeth asked, mostly to herself. Sheppard didn't have any problems with the control chair back on earth. Of course, General O'neill had first used it when under the influence of an ancient database, perhaps he did something to it?

Sheppard had the ancient gene, true, but he wasn't an Ancient. Last she knew he wasn't capable of levitating things around with his mind or teleporting himself around the planet. Only two people on her expedition were capable of that. Of course, surely Harry wasn't born capable of teleporting himself over to Paris for breakfast. He too would have gotten a 'too young' message in his school years. But now ...

She looked out over the balcony in the control room … they weren't there. Radioing Colonel Sumner she quickly instructed him to have his men search for her two missing Ancients.

"Elizabeth! You can't do that, it will waste power!"

"Rodney, please just trust me. These two are … language specialists. Maybe they'll have better luck with the computer. In the mean time … we have to think out of the box. John, can you get back to the control chair?"

"Sure, have an idea?"

"Just maybe. As far as Atlantis is concerned, you're in kindergarten. So let's think like a five year old. Don't ask the computer where more ZPM's are, ask for ... the history of energy on Atlantis.

"Yes ma'am," John said, leaving.

"Rodney, try searching for … alternative energy."

"Alright. Let's see, and we have something. But it's just a list of known energy sources. doesn't mention if any of them are installed on Atlantis. Although … synthetic fusion of deuterium? Maybe I can just … damn, restricted again."

"Keep trying, Rodney. John. You're back, any luck."

"Not really. Apparently the Ancients big invention however many million years ago was the ZPM. The city has always been powered about them. There are some backup generators somewhere, but the computer wouldn't tell me anything about them."

"So it's a needle in a haystack."

Elizabeth was saved from her dark thoughts as Harry and Daphne walked towards her, followed by Colonel Sumner himself.

"Found them on a balcony, Elizabeth."

"Thank you, Colonel. Ah, Harry, could you follow me over to this station here. I have some … translations for you."

If she noticed the questioning looks on Rodney's and Major Sheppard's faces she ignored them. Daphne followed, even though she wasn't invited.

"Can you go sit on the control chair? The shield is running out of power and we need to figure out what to do."

"We'll be fine," Harry said, trying to be reassuring. "When the shield fails the city will rise to the surface. The wraith are gone, they abandoned their siege thousands of years ago. Even without the shields, the city should be fine."

"Thank you, that's a relief. But that still leaves us with no power. The few naquadah generators we brought won't be nearly powerful enough. With the ZPMs gone we can't dial home."

"Sorry, but there really isn't another power source other than the ZPMs. They last tens of thousands of years, the Ancestors never really considered needing a backup power source. That's why they abandoned the war with the Wraith. They had no backup power sources and were down to their last ZPMs.

"There's some sort of solar technology outside though. That will provide enough power to run life support and such when we're on the surface. At least we'll have air conditioning, " Harry finished, trying to get Elizabeth to smile.

"Elizabeth!" Rodney McKay shouted from across the room. "Shields are failing! We're …"

The floor suddenly started shaking. Some sort of locking mechanism was heard and the city suddenly started to rise.

"Hold on!" Elizabeth instructed, clutching to the console in front of her.

Sunlight suddenly streamed in through the large glass window behind the star gate. Easing herself to her feet, she looked to see her two companions smiling, their eyes closed in joy.

"Harry, Daphne?"

"She's singing. It's good to see the sun again."

A/N: And that finishes my mini-crossover. Wizards are Ancients. ZPMs require a rare element to manufacture, which the Ancients couldn't get more of, being under siege by the wraith. So they gave up and came home. Wizards aren't divided by country, but they stick mainly to Europe and Asia as that's were the Ancient survivors returned to after Atlantis. Muggleborn happen when two squibs have children, and there is a special class at Hogwarts to teach them the 'Wizarding' language when they enroll. All wizards speak Ancient. And Atlantis is alive.

A/N2: There will be more one-shots following this. They don't form a timeline or continuity or anything. Just randomness, so one story doesn't affect the other.


	3. Police Girl

Harry Potter and the Police Girl

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Seras Victoria stepped through the door into London, somewhat sad that she was no longer capable of getting drunk. Two vampires had recently invaded the Hellsing manor, and she wasn't able to contain her monster. She had become just as bloodthirsty as her sire, and Sir Integra almost wasn't able to calm her down.

In her old life, she might have visited a psychologist, or a church. But a psychologist couldn't be trusted with the secrets of the night, and she didn't belong in churches anymore. She wasn't human any more, she was a monster.

Man, monster, and dog. Her master riddled about those often enough. She had thought she was a man, well, woman. Sure, she had some new cravings, but was still her old self, deep down inside. Then she realized she was a monster. A vampire, ripping the heads of ghouls and draining them of their blood. And not just any draculina, but one sired by the No Life King himself, Alucard of the Hellsing Organization. Only her master was a greater monster than she.

And she had fallen to a dog. Wallowing in her misery, she tried to drink her sorrows away. And vampires couldn't get drunk.

Holding back some of her more vicious thoughts about alcohol and it's lack of effect on her, Seras Victoria stopped her walk home at the sight of a strange man across the street in front of her. He was wearing a dress of some sort, or maybe a robe? A robe, though definitely strangely tailored. And yellow. A yellow robe.

He was holding a sign in front of him.

"Unemployed wizard," she spoke to herself. "Will cast magic for food."

Impossible! Witches and wizards didn't exist except in fairy tails!

"Then again," she muttered, looking down at herself. Vampires don't exist either.

Unable to restrain her curiosity, she quickly rushed across the street.

"Ahhh, excuse me. Are you actually a wizard?"

He gazed at her, noticing the slight glint of red in her eyes. "And you're a vampire."

"What … what?"

"I should have you know that I am quiet capable of defending myself, miss."

"No no no! I don' want to drink your blood. I just wanted to know if you were real. But, you did know I was a vampire right away. And …"

"Harry," the wizard spoke, interrupting her. "Harry Potter. Unemployed wizard at your service."

"Seras Victoria. Are you really a wizard?"

"Are you really a vampire."

"Well, yes, but …" she trailed off seeing him withdraw a wooden stick from his robes. And then it began to float, and twirl around his finger.

"I really am a wizard."

"Unemployed?"

"Alas, it is a tragic tail of marital bliss. Or rather, the lack thereof. My wife and I, we found a nice island to build our castle on a couple years back …"

"Castle?"

"All great wizards have castles. Or manors. Anyways, there we were, arguing over floor plans. One of the few good things normal people invented was television, and I wanted a home theater room with leather seats and a life size popcorn maker. She said I turned the volume up too high."

"So you didn't get your TV?"

"Of course! I allowed her to fall under the delusion I agreed with her, and I might have secretly built said theater room anyways. I might have finally installed the sound system last night, and possibly turned up the volume too loud? Although I'm not sure if that's really possible."

"She kicked you out for that?"

"Well, it was that time of the month, if you know what I mean. Daphne's a bit more emotional than usual. I figure I could break down the wards she set up, but it's better to just let her simmer down. A week, and I should be forgiven. I just hope she doesn't take TV away.

Anyways, seeing as I'm … self-employed, and my office is at home. Well, I'd really don't want to not eat for the next week. And I don't have any euros. You don't have any jobs available for an out of luck wizard, by any chance, do you?"

"Oh. Well, I don't … I live with my employer. She's nobility and her manor actually needs some repairs done. Can you use magic to speed up construction work," Seras asked, thinking of the damage Hellsing manor received during the fight with the Valentine brothers.

"Easily! I constructed my castle myself. There are many magics dedicated to construction and modification of housing."

"Well, the manor does need a lot of work. I'd like to help you, but my employer is very religious. I'm not sure she'd be happy having her manor repaired by magic. Still … it can't hurt to ask."

oOoOOoOOOoOOoOo

Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing looked at the strangely dressed man in front of her. Her agent, Seras, had brought him in less than an hour ago, and now she had to decide whether or not to hire him. They were in her office, and said blonde was currently standing behind the man she dragged him, looking both nervous and hopeful.

Witches and wizards. She knew they existed, her family had hired their services in the past. When Alucard was originally bound to the Hellsing line, so many years ago, it was a wizard who made sure everything went according to plan, and taught her family what was needed to control the vampire monster.

He was a natural born wizard. Not some heretic who was channeling the power of a demon. And the mansion was in need of a vast amount of repairs …

"Mr. Potter. If I decide to hire you, how long will it take you to repair the manor?"

"Well, you haven't cleaned up yet, so a lot of the rubble is still here. That makes it easier; putting things back the way they were, you understand, instead of starting from scratch. So, I would think two or three days. Maybe more if you have any special material requests, have to go shopping then. I could conjure the materials of course, but that will be more of a solid illusion than anything else, and I don't think you want that."

"Very well. I'm willing to hire you. Upon the completion and inspection of your work I'm willing to pay you 10,000 euros if everything is to my satisfaction. You will be provided with any extra materials you need, as well as a room to sleep in and access to the kitchen. Do we have an accord?"

Harry stuck out his hand, grinning. "Happy to do business with you, milady."

Seras smiled, her good deed making her feel more human than monster.

"But Master," a voice suddenly spoke through the walls. "Don't I have any say in this?"

"Allowing a young magician free roam of the manor, that's a rather daring thing to do, isn't it? Who knows who might turn into a toad."

"Actually, I'm rather partial to ferrets. One of my teachers turned a student into a ferret and bounced him all over the room. That's one of my happiest memories."

They all stared at him for a moment, until Alucard let loose a dark laugh.

"Hmmm, little magician. Maybe you won't be so boring after all. You'll have to fight me, during your stay here. I haven't fought a wizard in over a century. It's been so boring lately."

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"So," Harry asked, "If I'm understanding correctly. Your enemy used some horrible combination of magic and technology to create artificial vampires, to get around the whole virgin clause?"

"Yes, that sums up the situation," spoke the Hellsing lady.

"Are they the same otherwise though? And how strong are they?"

"As far as we have observed they are otherwise normal creatures of the night. And they aren't strong at all, relatively speaking of course. Alucard is the one killing them after all."

"So, they are fledglings then, not nosferatu yet."

"Correct."

"Well then, I have a proposition for you. Since I'm done with my repairs a bit early, I will offer to take care of your enemies. For the proper compensation, of course."

"Of course. And how will you do that, Mr. Potter."

"Quite simple really, my lady. As fledglings, these vampires will not yet have developed a resistance to sunlight. They aren't nosferatu yet. Alucard can tolerate sunlight just fine, and even Seras, although she told me she does get horrible sun burns if she stays out more than a few minutes. These vampires though … poof! They're gone."

"And how to you propose to expose them to sunlight? We don't even know where they operate from."

"During my school years, yes, wizards have schools, I took a class in divination. Useless for the most part, but it did teach scrying. I will simple use the remains of one of the freak chips you've recovered to determine the location of the rest. I will then turn myself invisible, and apparate to the location. One over-powered tanning charm later your problems should be finished."

Integra sat, looked at the man sitting across from her, and thought.

"What's your price?"

oOoOOoOOOoOOoOo

Seras Victoria wasn't quiet sure what to make of the strange contraption her new friend had built in the manor's back yard.

In the center was a silver basin, filled with water, and granite pillars on each side. Strange runes were carved over the pillars, and at the bottom of the basin was a freak chip.

However it worked, it worked, because Harry had vanished not more than five minutes ago. He had said it would take a while, but she couldn't help but worry.

Suddenly, with a pop, he reappeared.

"Did it work?" she asked?

"Beautifully! Whoever your enemy is, they were stupid enough to have their vampire soldiers take their blood together, in a cafeteria. Strange, but lucky for us. Although, there was this werewolf that nobody mentioned, and a pudgy guy. That's what took me so long."

Seras smiled, and leaped into Harry's arms, intending to hug him till he joined her in death.

Of course, it was at this moment another pop was heard.

Looking to her side, and not yet unwrapping her arms from her victim, Seras saw an angry brunette.

"Harry James Potter!" shouted the enraged voice of Daphne. "Who is she? What the hell are you doing?"

AN: And there ends my ideas for this fic.


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